Bustling Winds On A Window Sill – A Letter To My Future YOU.

A post I had from my old-now-inactive blog.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Relationships. I don’t have a lot to say about my past relationships because as far as I have lived and had relationships – as a thought now – I can’t consider any of it REAL; unreal not in the sense that those were non-existent, but unreal because it wasn’t of any significance. None of it really matters, that I can’t even value any of it. Those were all a product of YOUNG LOVE. Immaturity at its finest: rash decisions, insensitivity, selfishness, all of it. BUT. Even though I think of it as UNREAL, there were still a lot of lessons (I know, it’s sort of contradicting but that’s how I view it) that I shall be carrying onto my next relationship – which I’m desperately praying for to be my last.

And the most special lesson I’ve learned would be: CHOOSING YOU.

You. From now on I have promised myself that I’ll be choosing you. Instead of choosing myself over and over again, I’d choose you now. I’ll put away my immaturity, my selfishness, my impatience and all. I’ve realized, it’s never too late to correct one’s self. And now, I view relationships as making both ends meet, deciding for BOTH rather than for yourself, most of the time minding more of the other than yourself. There’s NO INDIVIDUAL anymore, there’s this two person as a whole.

So, I thought I’d choose you.

I’d choose you over my favourite famous band singer because I know he’ll never know me. He’ll never listen to any of my rants because he has a whole lot of attention needs on his own. He might not be able to have the time to even say “Hi,” or ask how my day went because he’s way too busy telling his fans how he is – he doesn’t know me and will never know anyway. But you, I’d listen to you all day long, no matter how quiet I should be to the point that I may never had the chance to utter a word. Your voice would be the sweetest melody.

I’d choose you over some time in a secluded paradise because there’s nothing much there if there’s no you. What’s good a view can give aside from feeling so majestic about it but being alone through the experience of appreciating it? It will be better to have it witnessed with you so it can be a shared moment, a shared experience, a shared memory.

I’d choose you over dishes I’ve learned to live without because I know I could unlearn them and besides, you don’t like how they smell or taste. And because I have to understand that there’s one table that we’ll share our meal together and I won’t let eating be a traumatizing event that we’ll be sharing.

I’d choose you over my favourite genre of music because I know it’s not what you wanna listen to. You may think of the songs on my playlists as lame and I’m not one to push it on the player/speakers because I know you want something else. Whatever genre you want, that’s the music we’ll be playing, on loop or however you want it to be.

I’d choose you over fancy restaurant dates because good food is always served whenever I’m with you. However glamour or cheesy it may be to dine somewhere fancy with great dishes it wouldn’t matter if my date ain’t you. Having you anywhere else with anything to eat will be something I’ll cherish, because the laughs, the taste-test and comment afterwards, the try this and however we’ll be exploring the food would be fun and eventful as long as it’s you I’m with.

I’d choose you over crazy emotional breakdowns because you might be affected and I’m the one to blame for starting a lame argument. I have to set aside my blues for a while specially when you’re having your own because I have to understand that mood swings doesn’t only apply to me, but applies to everyone. And I should be more understanding if you are not, because I am choosing you.

I’d choose you over my favourite movies because I know you’re not into chick-flicks and you’re more of the opposite. I’d let myself down with quite a lot of movies just so we could watch what you like because you want it and because I am choosing you.

I am choosing you…because my happiness would come from the smiles your lips will make, my new favourites will base on whatever are yours, and my dreams will be built as to how you’ll draft our future to be.

And I know that even if I choose you over my own selfish self, you’d also be choosing me. Because you love me more than I could ever love you. And this is why I am choosing you.


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